79 WPM

As first published, February 2008

I went to a temp agency the other day. My appointment was at 1 pm so I arrived at 12:45, waited in my car for five minutes and then confidently walked in. I was greeted by a somewhat annoyed receptionist: "You here for the one o'clock?"
"Yes!" I said, over-enthusiastically.
"You're going to have to wait outside. In your car. We'll wave you in right at one."
I was somewhat confused, but complied. I waited anxiously, with my eyes fixed on my rear-view mirror and finally got the signal: A tall man in business shirt and tie waved his arms on the front sidewalk. He must be new, I thought, it's -15 C and windy. Wonder what he went to college for?

The six of us were led to a small room with old-church-bathroom-yellow walls and a computer for each. The new guy "Jim" greeted us with a hefty packet and blue, yes must be blue, ink pen. "Please follow my instructions carefully. If you do not follow my exact instructions I will have to dismiss you. You will take your things and leave immediately. Okay! Good afternoon. Please remove the paperclip from your packet."

The next two hours went by about the same. Fuzzy radio 80's hits played loudly in the room while we filled out paper-work, left for a short interview (That was Dor-- what college did you say you attended?), and three computer tests. Jim called me in to his windowless cubicle to announce the results: "You probably didn't think you did so well on those tests?" his left, unplucked eyebrow lifted.
I looked up from my toes and said intelligently, "Yeah . . ."
"But actually," he continued, sounding very pleased (like he had actually counseled me or something) "You were average at Excel, above average in WORD and," he leaned in, as if telling me a fascinating secret, "I haven't seen typing results like this for the last six months. You had 79 WPM with 98% accuracy. Congratulations."

I'm pleased to see that my four-year liberal arts degree is paying off. I have typing-madness talent. Soli Deo Gloria.